«That's close enough!»

Monday morning at the school in Zurich Aussersihl. Seventeen young people are sitting in a circle rather than at their school desks. Today they are attending a workshop on preventing sexual assault. Three young people – Amea, Sämi and Shu – are running the morning's event and sitting in amongst the pupils.

According to a 2012 Optimus study of more than 6,000 adolescents in Switzerland, 22% of girls and 8% of boys have been victims of at least one incident of sexual assault involving physical contact by the time they reach 9th grade. About 40% of these cases involve people of their own age. This is where the «Ja, nein, vielleicht» (Yes, no, maybe) project comes in.

By way of a warm-up, the 6th-graders play a game: Everyone who identifies with a statement should stand up, the rest should remain seated. «Who has played Truth or Dare before?» 32-year-old project leader Sämi asks. Nearly all the pupils stand up. «Who has noticed a person feeling uncomfortable because someone got too close to them?» Once again, nearly everyone stands up. «Who has felt uncomfortable for this reason?» Three girls stand up.

The group then discusses positive and negative flirting strategies. «Nobody has to speak if they don't want to,» 28-year-old project leader Amea had announced earlier. But they want to. They share their experiences, from wolf whistles to unwanted physical contact. They also talk about compliments, furtive glances and how important it is to be honest about your feelings - for instance if you have a crush on someone at school. «Boys tend to have more problems with that,» the girls suspect. «It's equally difficult for everyone,» the boys counter. The project leaders also share their experiences, listing some nice and not so nice flirting experiences.

Agota Lavoyer thinks eye-level contact is particularly important. She heads a victim support unit in Solothurn. She is convinced that instead of telling them what is right and wrong, young people should be given a chance to discuss things. «Such interchange is extremely informative,» she says. Young people must also be made aware of their own boundaries because, as she points out: «They don't know them intuitively.» Socialisation is decisive in this. If adolescents hear parents or friends claiming it's a compliment when boys wolf whistle at girls, they eventually stop trusting their gut instinct anymore, which is: «I'm not comfortable with that.»

The Optimus study provides the latest figures available. In fact, victim support groups are recording an increasing number of cases. However, it is not clear why this is so. Agota Lavoyer suspects that this is not due to a growing number of sexual assaults, but because of increasing awareness. In other words, people are seeking help sooner. Young people should therefore repeatedly be reminded to do so (see box with tips, below).

The next round at the Zurich school addresses mutual consent. A funny video compares wanting to have sex with wanting a cup of tea. It shows that in both instances you can change your mind even if you first says «Yes». «If someone doesn't want something, you mustn't force them,» says John*, one of the pupils. «Precisely,» says workshop leader Sämi. «If you do, you're committing assault.»

Many situations are harder to judge. This is highlighted by a traffic-light game in which the children are asked to hold up red, green or yellow cards in response to different scenarios. Twenty-seven-year-old project leader Shu reads out a few examples: «The girls are playing Truth or Dare. When it's Ronja's turn, they dare her to go next door and touch Sebastian's bum. Without hesitating, she stands up and does just that.» Seven girls hold up red cards, eight boys hold up a yellow one. «I don't think it's so bad if Sebastian and Ronja know each other,» one of the boys says. Classmate Nora is appalled: «It's out of the question!» she exclaims. «That's private!» A hefty debate ensues, after which the group agrees that it does indeed constitute abuse. «In Truth or Dare, the peer pressure is so great that you can't decide freely,» one of the boys concludes.

«It's best to raise subjects like peer pressure at every opportunity. Once isn't enough,» Agota Lavoyer says. Prevention works best if it's part of everyday life. After all, adolescents often have stereotyped images of violence: «Many tend to think it means bruising. That's why it's all the more important to have everyday examples that clearly show that this too is sexual violence.»

The next example is also based on an everyday situation: It's about a girl who doesn't want to greet her aunt with a kiss, but relents under pressure from her parents. «If it's just her aunt, I don't think it's that bad,» a boy comments. «But it's bad for the girl,» another insists. The project leaders intervene: Even children should learn to show their boundaries. «If you know where yours are, you can expect others to respect them.»

Towards the end, as concentration levels are beginning to fade, the project leaders answer personal questions, such as: «Have you ever been sexually harassed?» «Yes,» replies one of the project leaders into the cacophony of voices. «I was 16 and he was a good friend. Afterwards he said, 'That wasn't such a big deal. Stop making a fuss!' It took me many years to realise that it was sexual assault.» The class has fallen completely silent.

* All the names have been changed.

Photo/stage: Nik Hunger